Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom I made and ate hot meals. I had unstained clothing.

I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom I slept as late as I wanted.

And never worried about how late I got into bed.

I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was Mom I cleaned my house each day.

I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies.

Before I was a Mom I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, peed on, or pinched by tiny fingers.

Before I was a Mom I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts, my body and all my feelings.

I slept all night.

 Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was OK.

I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much......

......before I was a Mom.

...Author Unknown

Its so close but so far away

My huney Is coming home so soon. But it is SOOOOO far away still. My todo list is growing more and more everyday. I think my house needs to be SPOTLESS and he is yelling at me when I tell him I am cleaning. He doesnt care waht it looks like as long as he gets to have family time.  Well I want to have family time to but if my house is a mess its going to be difficult to sit on teh couch and watch TV with him instead of cleaning. (Thanks Lisha <3 u!)

I am dreading that when he gets home I am goign to have to scream and yell at him to pick up after hisself instead of me doing it for him. I am not his maid and I will NOT be his maid. I only have one one little one (as of now) To clean up after, besides my self. SO This is your news flash baby.... I am not going to be nice about it =))

Then we have our families complaining we arent going back to Iowa. Well Im freaking sorry we cant afford to go to Iowa, It costs us a wopping six hundred dollars to go back. If they want us to go back then THEY have to pay for it.  We can not afford it and I am not taking out a loan to go home to see our families. That is rediculous.  Plus Anthony has NEVER seen his "new" home. He doesnt knwo wehre we live or how to get to the beach, NOTHING> He needs to learn his way around before we drive 1100 miles to go home.  But If he wants to go back home I told him taht we could go back for a week and HE had to get the money from his family. I dont expect my family to pay for things becasue while we are there we live with my family. 

I am thinking A LOT about what Anthony wants to do and if it would be good for our family. I love him and I want him to be happy. But switching branches is extreme, but I am starting to think it might be better.  He is gone for 18 months and then home for 2 years.... That would be nice. But thats not how it always works.

Well its little mans bed time so I better get off the computer and put him to bed =))

Peanut Butter, Chocolate & a Saturday Night Movie

WRITTEN BY Baby Battle rattle---- sub. Navy wives in instead


You have your most comfortable pajama’s on, you know the ones I’m talking about! Green sweats with a little black EGA on the hip that are nicely worn in for you by someone else, the t-shirt that has holes but is so soft from years of love…yes those pjs. You’ve got your popcorn, peanut M&M’s (or fill in your favorite candy here), glass of wine and favorite go to movie for nights like this and yet something is missing. Your Sailor.


If you’ve been married to your Sailor for a while, you know EXACTLY what I’m describing here. It’s the end-of-a-hard-week-Saturday-night-middle-of-deployment (or field op)-me-time of the Navy wife. I’ve done about a hundred of these nights, and will do a hundred more. Sometimes it’s with girlfriends, sometimes alone, and for me, most recently with our new addition, our baby girl. I’m sure when you first married your Salior this was not the Saturday night you thought you’d have. It’s funny that our view of a situation can change after we are into it. It’s hard to remember you were supposed to drain the swamp when you’re knee deep in alligators! Everyone thinks and often says “I know it’s going to be hard, but I love him”. Well you’re marrying him, so I sure hope you love him, but looking back we don’t really know just how hard some of those times will be, do we? You don’t think about how many things he may miss because of a field exercise or deployment when you’re in a beautiful dress and your Salior is standing at the front of a church in the BEST dress uniform of them all, ready to make you his forever. Then the wedding is over and you don’t get a honeymoon until 6 weeks after your wedding because they’re going to (insert your favorite duty obligation here). Or that he’ll miss your pregnancy while "going IA" in Iraq or Afghanistan, or worse the birth of your baby. You don’t think about him not being there for a birthday, family event, anniversary, or holiday. Why don’t you think about these things? Because you love him and as hard as ALL of those things are, it’s ok. You are a Navy wife; you can handle whatever the Navy can throw at you! PCSing in a month, no problem! Pregnant alone? NO problem! Christmas without your Sailor? E’ed Sae’ed! (Happy Holidays in Arabic) You’ll celebrate with other Navy wives. While our husbands adapt and overcome, so do we!

I’m not sure about you ladies, but as for me; I wouldn’t change my Navy life and experiences for anything. These experiences have shaped my husband and me into who we are today. They’ve given us great friends, and taken a few. They’ve even brought us closer together through thousands of miles apart. I hope you all are enjoying this Navy roller coaster ride. If you’re having one of those end-of-a-hard-week-Saturday-night-middle-of the-_____________(fill in the blank) nights tomorrow just remember you’re not alone and we will make it. After all, we are Navy Wives!



(For those who are reading that are Army Wives/Navy Wives/Air Force Wives just insert that where needed!) :)

Military Wives

Another sleepless night for me
Alone upon our bed

I see again his every move

And those last words he said.

So proud he looked in uniform

Convinced that he was right

He had to go, for duty called

There was a war to fight.

Those last few days before he left

I hid the pain inside

We talked and loved and even joked

He never knew I cried.

 

And when the dreaded moment came

He kissed me tenderly.

His eyes met mine, and then he said,

"I'll be all right, you'll see."

I tried to smile and nod my head

Afraid to let him see

The terror that I feared if he

Did not come back to me.

I see him as he walked away

I tried to say 'good-bye'

But words were trapped within my throat

All I could do was cry.

The weeks have stretched now into months

And every night I pray

That God will keep him in his care

And bring him home one day.

At last I drift off into sleep

In dreams I see him more

I turn around and smile to hear

His footsteps at the door.

Restless I sleep, and then I wake

Not opening my eyes

I move my hand to reach for him

But no one near me lies.

I will not give in to despair

With each new day I'll cope

For I know he would want me to

Be brave and live with hope.

I hear the voices loud and strong

Who criticize the war

While yelling men are fools to go

They stay on freedoms shore.

A man who cowers under fear

Will die a thousand deaths

While men like mine for freedom fight

And offer their last breaths.

I hope perhaps in fifty years

When men remember war

They won't forget the wives who dreamed

Of footsteps at the door

SCREAM, LAUGH, CRY

I am so unsure on what I want to do right now. I want to scream becasue Deployment is really taking effecting a tole on my life. I can not think of ANYTHING but how long it has been since i seen him. I love him to DEATH but I am really despisng him for leaving me alone to take care of OUR son. We got in a fight over some bull---- today. It was seriously just stress taking over our words and we werent even thinking. =((

Then on top of deployment stress I realized we are losing almost $500 a month when he gets home. That is going to put a HUGE hole in our money problems we already have now. It is REDICULOUS how little the Military pays. I dont get it. I mean they are defending our country and they dont even get paid enough to qualify above the low income line. over half the people in teh military qualify for foodstamp benifits. thats not right. My husband joined the military because we had our son at a young age. We thought it would help us get a better start. But instead we are barely making enough money to pay all of our bills and buy the extra things we need.  I know I am going on and on about this but I do not understand it AT ALL!!! I love my husband and support everythign he does but I just dont get that they are paid so LITTLE!!!

My first award

This was given to me by my Wifey!! I <3 her!!! But I use my blog to vent and just get my thoughts out of my head so they make more sense when i read them =))!   But I am new to this and I love doing it. It relaxes me and gives me time to think about everything. Then most of the time my friends go through and read it and tell me what I should and Shouldnt do.

Well I guess I am supose to tell you random things about myself... So here are 4 (one for every person I tagged in this)

one

I am really freaking sick of living alone!!!!!!

two

I have met people here that I wish I would have met a hell of a lot sooner because I dont know how the HELL i lived my life without them!!! <3

three

there are times when I think that my life is NEVER going to get any better and my husband will never get off that stupid ship!!!!

four

I love my little man with all my heart! He is my pride and joy! I would never be able to make it through  deployment without him =)) But  I can not wait to give him a little brother or sister!!!!

1. A sailors mistress

2. iheartmysailor

3. My life as a Sailors Princess

4. My career as a Sailor's heart

stress has taken over my life

Homecoming is just around the corner and I am stressing about getting everything perfect. I know my husband will not care if the house is spotless and can pass a white glove test but I DO CARE!!! Its the first time he will ever see our home! I am so excited for him to see what it looks like and learn his way around but i am scared he is going to hate it, and blame it all on me. But I am sure he wont, Its just one of those fears that no matter how much I try to avoid the thought, I still think it. Expecially since I am petrified Alex wont take to him and Anthony will be upset about it. Well Anthony when you read this please realize that its not your fault, ALexander has a short memory
Well since my break down the other day I have been feeling really really good. I am excited about homecoming and now realizing all that i have to get done before it comes. Its so exciting and I have butterflies. It seems like everytime he is gone for more then a month i get butterflies when i think about seeing him again.
I am pretty nervous on how homecoming day is going to go with Alexander. I think its gonna be difficult becasue he LOOVES the water, but I am going to take the portable DVD player for him to watch movies, Plus my love Amanda is going with me to help!!! =)) I have no idea what will be going on during homecoming and all that. I have found my way to most of the Peirs and I dont think it will be very hard to get to the rest of them. But he should be around the area I know how to get to!!
The night before party is going to be FUNNN!!! My wife Alisheau is keeping Alexander so I dont have to keep him out till after 10! =) And if everything goes as planned homecoming will be done and over with ASAP and we can come home for some much needed family time!!! ;))

Tears fallen

Today has been a horrible day. I have cried about everything. I always thought as time goes by the deployment got easier but as we are in the last part of the deployment i feel like it just started all over againg. I cried for like 2 hours strait today. And I dont even know what triggered it.
Everything started out good this morning. I went to pick up a friends husband this morning and got to talk to my hubby for a little while but the internet kept dropping out.... But that really didn't upset me. I had a nice conversation with him. But we had a HUGE fight the other day because he was jealous of my BFF, which i can understand because I am jealous of the guys on the ship. BUt he went a little extreme but we are all better now because he appologized for being a complete jerk to me. I can not wait for him to get home!!!
Anthony asked me how i felt about him crossing over to the Army when his contract is up... Im really not sure how i feel but I know I am being selfish when I snap no because i dont want him gone that long. I love him to death but being gone for 12-18 months can really hurt us. Because after 7 months we are snapping at eachother and getting pissed really easy because both of our jobs are stressful. (Mine being a stay at home mom with a 19 month old)


I was thinking yesterday about what i would change if I could go back in time. I honestly dont think I would change a thing. I love my life and my friends. I have a amazing connection with all my friends here because they are going through all the same things. Or have been through the same. The only thing I would change would be me going to school. I want to go back. I am planning on starting hopefully next fall. That way I can get my FAFSA done and all that stuff. I dont know if I will go back fulltime or not but I want to try to at least do a few classes.

....................................................

UGH

I am now thinking about moving back home for a few months of this next deployment next summer. We could save up some money and get to spend some time with the family. But Im not sure that I could do it because I wouldnt live on my own. I would have to live with my family. But I think I could handle it for a little while .Oh well I have a while to decide. It will probably be decided on how fast I get pregnant. Because my family could really help with a toddler and a newborn. I have not mentioned this to ANY of my friends so as they read this my phoen will be going CRAZY!!! They would be the reason I dont move back. But I could spend 500 a month instead of over a thousand..... hmmm

But I have been enjoying my time with the wives. It is wonderful to be able to get out of the house and be with people that understand instead of PRETENDING to understand!!! I love my friends at home but their fake symapthy is annoying!!!!! I cant wait to see them again... Well kind of. I want to see my family but some of my friends I could leave out without feeling bad!!!

I miss my hubby SOOO MUCH!!! I cant wait for him to be home!!!! The night before party is going to be a BLAST, its our last get togather before our husbands come home =)). I cant wait to have new pictures of my husband and I to make new blog headers!!! We dont have any pictures together except for our wedding pictures taht were taken in December!!!!

Well I need to get ready for the day!!!! I have so much to say but none of what i want public!!!

Friends....

I had been regretting my move out to Virginia, because we moved out here in February and my husband doesnt get home until August. But at the time he was supose to be home in June and I wanted to get to know the area before he got back so we werent clueless on everything. But 3 days after moving my husbands deployment was extended. So we could have Stayed in Iowa and had more money saved up and able to continuously put money in Savings, while I also could have continued working. But after these last couple weeks I am so glad I didnt. I have made the best friends that I could ask for...

I met Amanda when our husbands were in Basic Training together, and they are now sationed on the same Base, doing the same job!! Then I found Rashell on one of the military spouse websites shortly after moving here, I talked to her a lot on facebook and text messages but never met her until I got back from visiting my family in June. Rashell introduced me to Alisheau! We have been talking ever since and now we hang out like everyday, and never get bored of eachother. She feels like that friend I started preschool with and we grew up together!! I have only known these girls in person since February of this year I am pretty sure they will be lifetime friends!!!!

I have been having the most amazing time with these girls, no matter if we are sitting at eachothers houses just hanging out or spending the day at the beach it is always a blast!!! We can talk about anything and everything. It never feels out of place to talk to them about whatever is on my mind. Most of my issues are deployment issues and the only people who can understand waht it is like is the people who went through deployments themselves. Its pretty annoying when people tell me they understand how I feel because they have gone a few days without seeing there spouse.

I know I am crazy for moving 1100 miles away from my family only on the hope that I would find friends and be able to handle this deployment on my own. Well I did it. I am happy with my decision no matter how many times i change my mind. We are a military family and it takes risks to surive! But I have the best friends I could ever ask for! I just wish they all lived a little closer-- like NEXT DOOR!!!! I have made more close friends in the past 5 months then I made in highschool, but I dont like the drama so I hung out with guys and to this day my husband and I share a super close friend!! I only talk to a few girls from highschool and i dont want to talk to any of the others!!!

well to sum this ups I LOVE MY LIFE AND I WOULDNT CHANGE IT FOR A THING!!!! THE MILITARY LIFE IS HARD BUT IT ALWAYS HELPS TO MAKE SOME GREAT FRIENDS!!! THEY MAKE THE TIME GO FASTER WHILE YOUR MISSING YOUR HUSBAND!!!!

25 weeks of deployment

So tuesday was 25 weeks since my wonderful husband deployed!!! It has been a very long time since i have seen him but it has gone by pretty fast. But I am starting to resent him for being gone for so long =/ I know i shouldnt but I do. I have been rasing our son alone for almost a year now and it is tough. I havent had a break from anything in 4 months. I get up every morning and get our son something to eat then we head to the gym. and come home and deal with the on sets of the terrible twos.

There is nothing that my husband can do about this but it is really starting to take effect on the way i feel. And since I am a stay at home mom because we only have ONE vehicle and he will take it to work everyday I cant go back to work. I sell SCENTSY which is a nice way to make money. But i havent gotten it going enough to make a lot of money on it. I am working my BUTT off trying to but nothing seems to be working. I love the product though.

I love my life and I dont want anything to change, except my husband to go up in rank and make more money. We really have to budget everything out and dont always have the extra money to do things.. Which is hard when he hits port and wants to spend REDICULOUS amounts of MONEY!!!

I am having a horrible day and have been soooo easily agrivated today it isnt funny!!! I am hoping the gym will help tomarrow. I am planning on using all my anger to work out and I HOPE that will work sooo much!!! I need this to work. And I want this weight to fall off already!!!

I love my husband so much and I dont think he realizes how much i do love him and miss him!!!!